I want this to exist in Winnipeg. I think Osbrone Village could support this for sure… Maybe even the exchange district on weekends anyways… Oh gawd. This would be great!
Ugh. People, just call your moms.
Moms get free passage on any flights deemed necessary to get them to their babies in a timely fashion. Cookies are stored in heated overhead compartments. A nice person your mom would trust is waiting for her at the terminal with a luxury cab service that is accompanied by a police escort—transit time from the airport nearest you is guaranteed (by the federal government) to be no greater than 35 minutes.
Bear in mind that your mom is not coming to do anything but give you cookies, and the federally mandated hug and kiss—if you haven’t seen each other for a time greater than 12 months, happy tears are also automatically provided—though the situation often elicits them anyhow, regardless of legal requirement. She will not be cleaning, cooking, or laundering any items. You are often required to provide her with a home-cooked meal, the sort of which will be dependent upon the time of day of her departure.
Because yes, she will be departing. Fairly often, it will be almost right away. It is not easy being so far from home, but you are, and the two of you simply cannot spend much time together now. These restrictions have been found to significantly increase the value of the time spent together.
Return to the airport can be provided by the child, or by the same service provided for your mom’s arrival. Statistically, many children choose the former—even if it’s a beat-up old car; even if it’s a pair of bus transfers; sometimes, even if it’s a 10-speed with a homemade seat strapped over the rear fender—but it’s really up to you.
By car or by pedal, your mom will return to the airport and be afforded a similar degree of privilege in her return flight. This service is entirely free of charge, with the caveat that it be used no more than twice in a calendar year, with special permissions provided in the events of break-ups and firings, each of which are afforded one additional trip per calendar year.
Call the authorities and clearly state your need for Your Mom. No additional information will be needed, unless you have assumed any food allergies since you last talked to your mom.
Please be aware that this service is adherent and subject to any and all related laws as pertaining to aviation, food preparation, and international customs. Failure to provide your mom with the gratitude of a child (who’s older but doesn’t feel any wiser, who’s striking out on his or her own but has no idea where he or she is going, who’s stronger and better but sometimes too scared to crawl out of bed, who ultimately has a pretty good feeling about where to go next despite all of it) may result in your exclusion from this program.