March 2012
Bonus Withdrawl Puts Bankers in "Malaise" →
You can’t imagine how tough it is to live on only $250,000 a year.
The writers of—and people in—this article can’t imagine how little sympathy their plight deserves or receives.
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February 2012
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Okay, I shouldn't say I'm not attracted to beards.
comicallyvariant:
I’m not attracted to Riker beards.
But, like, Robb Stark beardiness? Yes.
I guess it’s scruff that I like is what I’m getting at. Like, less “I do this because I like it” and more “I am so busy with my awesome life killing lannisters/defeating the empire/uncovering priceless artifacts to shave all the time.” if that makes sense.
Word. Effortless is our facial-hair...
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You'll have to pry my spelling of words like...
But I’ll concede the elimination of that “u” when it comes to forming adjectives.
I just realized how terrible “humourous” looks. It’s heinous.
I mean, it’s heinos.
I wrote an article about this on CollegeHumor, many moons ago. It wasn’t funny then, and it ain’t now!
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Opinions are like Assholes
everyone has one
if you didn’t, you would be poisoned from the inside
they should not be seen in any sort of public forum
you should only expose yours to sexual partners, and only if you’re both into that sort of thing
you should have yours examined by a doctor, for your own good
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“I’m telling you, I was almost walking out with three puppies. It’s so hard....”
– Jennifer Aniston on getting a dog. In Sophie’s Choice, a mother at Auschwitz has to choose whether her 10-year-old son or 7-year-old daughter will live. (via officialssay)
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I AM SO CONFUSED: What Lot's Wife Would Have Said... →
stfuhatemongers:
eating-poetry:
Do you remember when we met in Gomorrah? When you were still beardless, and I would oil my hair in the lamp light before seeing you, when we were young, and blushed with youth like bruised fruit. Did we care then what our neighbors did in the dark?
When our first…
This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read in my life.
sparklyfaerie:
Is it disrespectful of me to...
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vincentpeone:
Jazz records sound best when you’re cooking dinner.
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...
Self: (aloud) Wouldn't it be funny if a rabbi posted a GPOY of himself or herself?
Self: ...
Self: But instead of "GPOY", it would be "GP-Oy!"
Self: ......
Self: Like, "Oy vey!"
Self: .........
Self: ............
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“President Obama once said he wants everybody in America to go to college. What a...”
– Republican presidential candidate RICK SANTORUM, on Sunday’s Meet The Press.
No seriously. This guy is a fucking dick.
(via the Los Angeles Times)
The thing is, Santorum actually believes this. But in his defense, I can understand his self interest in ensuring fewer people go to college and...
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imbackintheussr replied to your post: After one single cardio workout—the first one I’ve done in months—I’m raring to get back to it.
I always wanted to be one of those trainers, just so I could get paid to yell at people.
Just join (and serve, and do really well in) the Army. Eventually, you get to yell at people, right?
Right, movies? Back me up on this, movies.
“Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
– Michael Pollan (via cleanandhealthy)
There’s all you need to know, America. Now you can stop throwing out diet plans on every magazine and TV segment.
Also, don’t drink soda. Don’t do that to your pretty little intestines.
(via misschiquita)
(My favourite plant to eat is grass. It’s...
After one single cardio workout—the first one I've...
Working out more regularly, I mean. At least twice a week, which I think is doable, and thrice a week fairly soon.
I miss being able to stretch! That’ll be nice.
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Jokes Told By Chopin Fans About Uncultured...
That man is so uncultured, he thinks a Polonaise is a chicken sandwich with mayo!
Love one another.: YOU SHOULD DATE AN ILLITERATE... →
katrinadavid:
Date a girl who doesn’t read. Find her in the weary squalor of a Midwestern bar. Find her in the smoke, drunken sweat, and varicolored light of an upscale nightclub. Wherever you find her, find her smiling. Make sure that it lingers when the people that are talking to her look…
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i've watched three episodes of Hoarders already...
comicallyvariant:
ALL OF THOSE COMEDIANS LIED TO ME
They save the dead cats for sweeps week.
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cracked:
We forgot to congratulate The Simpsons on 500 episodes. Congratulations, The Simpsons, on 500 episodes! We would have made a “Top X Favorite Episodes Of All Time” list, but that list hasn’t changed since season 10.
No, it has not.
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these go to 11.: On a real man. →
dearcoketalk:
In your last post, you mentioned men “drinking rye whiskey cocktails like they were some kind of Don Draper starter kit.” I laughed, and it reminded me of a recent conversation I had. The guy informed me that “real men only drink beer.” Coke Talk, where do people get such…
I didn’t know that real men only drink beer.
I’m a real man, ladies!
No but seriously...
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“All the new equipment and technology that’s now available, like email, is good...”
– Scott Janssens, the new Inspector for the OPP in my home county, inadvertently sounding like he’s way behind the times.
